How the adoption story ended....

Last summer I posted about having gotten the information about my birth mother. I know all my friends and family know how this ended but I've had a couple of people stumble across my blog and then email me and ask what I did....so...

After praying about it for a few days I decided I would write to her.

I stressed in my letter that I really wanted nothing from her, did not mean to upset her and any contact was completely up to her. I expained that I really just wanted to thank her and hoped it didn't upset her. I explained that since I have had children I couldn't imagine the sacrafice she made. I didn't offer any information about myself. I decided if she wanted to know any details she would have to ask. I did pray for her daily after mailing that letter.
About a week later I recieved a letter back from her.

She said she had several sleepless nights trying to figure out what to do since my letter. She indicated that she had hoped this would never happen and thought the records were sealed. She went on to explain that due to her 'life' she really didn't want any contact and she hoped that didn't hurt me.

In the original birth certificate I had seen that she was in her earily twenty's when she had me. My parents had been under the impression that she was a teenager, so this was my first suprise.

Second surprise, she told me in the letter that she had gone on the marry my birth father. That they went on to live a very happy, full life, traveled the world and that he had died a couple of years ago.

I didn't quite know what to make of that info.... I realize being an unwed mother in 1964 was frowned upon but they were certaily old enough to have a child...and since they went on to marry anyway.... one would think they would wonder what happened to their child....
Guess not.

So, in the end, I did feel a little rejected again, but I don't regret doing it and I did exactly what I set out to do.
I thanked her.
And leave it to my cousin Gina to sum it up with, "well, thank God she didn't keep you, she must be a selfish B****". She reminded me that I am in just the right crazy, southern family!

What should I do with that information?

I was adopted and I've known this my whole life. My parents just made me feel more loved because of this. I have always had a curiousity about my birth mother but not the strong need to know that some people have. My mother was wonderful and only one of my aunts frequently mentioned me being adopted( she just thought it was odd that I was a better family member than my sister, with me being the one that was adopted)...

About a year ago, I talked to an old friend of mine who is also adopted. She told me she had found her birth mother. She said she only decided to do this to let her know that she was ok and thank her for doing something so brave.

I had never had a strong desire to find this woman because I didn't know then what to do with her...I have lost ALOT of people I love including my adoptive mother and father and really worried about what kind of relationship I could have with this person. I never felt like I was missing anything by not knowing her. I also worried about the odd stuff... what if she is weird? What if she is someone you just didn't want as family....then what? A phone call from time to time, Christmas cards??? I didn't really think I wanted to do that but after talking to my friend I realized, that is something I would like to do. I would like to tell her, in case she wants to know, that I had a great life, great family and now that I have kids, can't image doing what she did!

Well, I have carried around the request for the original birth certificate for about a year now meaning to fill it out and send it in. Last week I finally did... I also updated my information in a couple of search/ reunion web sites.

Today when I checked the mail it was there. There was the name. Now what? I googled her, no luck, just as I expected. I had an email from someone last week with one of the search web sites. So today I emailed him back with her name and info on the birth certificate. With in about 20 minutes I had several emails from his "search angels" with her birth info and a match by first name and date of birth that they think is her.... they also sent her sister's info.

So, there in 20 minutes is the info I wondered if I even wanted. Do I write and maybe never know if she actually got it or if it was the right person? Do I call and ask if she's missing a daughter... guess I'll do a little praying about this. I really have NO desire to disrupt her life so I hesitate to do anything, on the other hand I really do want to thank her. After all, that's just good manners, right?