Tuesday, June 3, 2008

What should I do with that information?

I was adopted and I've known this my whole life. My parents just made me feel more loved because of this. I have always had a curiousity about my birth mother but not the strong need to know that some people have. My mother was wonderful and only one of my aunts frequently mentioned me being adopted( she just thought it was odd that I was a better family member than my sister, with me being the one that was adopted)...

About a year ago, I talked to an old friend of mine who is also adopted. She told me she had found her birth mother. She said she only decided to do this to let her know that she was ok and thank her for doing something so brave.

I had never had a strong desire to find this woman because I didn't know then what to do with her...I have lost ALOT of people I love including my adoptive mother and father and really worried about what kind of relationship I could have with this person. I never felt like I was missing anything by not knowing her. I also worried about the odd stuff... what if she is weird? What if she is someone you just didn't want as family....then what? A phone call from time to time, Christmas cards??? I didn't really think I wanted to do that but after talking to my friend I realized, that is something I would like to do. I would like to tell her, in case she wants to know, that I had a great life, great family and now that I have kids, can't image doing what she did!

Well, I have carried around the request for the original birth certificate for about a year now meaning to fill it out and send it in. Last week I finally did... I also updated my information in a couple of search/ reunion web sites.

Today when I checked the mail it was there. There was the name. Now what? I googled her, no luck, just as I expected. I had an email from someone last week with one of the search web sites. So today I emailed him back with her name and info on the birth certificate. With in about 20 minutes I had several emails from his "search angels" with her birth info and a match by first name and date of birth that they think is her.... they also sent her sister's info.

So, there in 20 minutes is the info I wondered if I even wanted. Do I write and maybe never know if she actually got it or if it was the right person? Do I call and ask if she's missing a daughter... guess I'll do a little praying about this. I really have NO desire to disrupt her life so I hesitate to do anything, on the other hand I really do want to thank her. After all, that's just good manners, right?


ThatGirl said...

I think, and it's just my two cents, that she would be happy to hear that you've had a great life and wonderful children now. Back in the day, she did what was right for her... so only contact her if that's what's right for YOU...

It's your turn now.

PS - I've adopted two kids and find this whole thing fascinating. Hope it works out exactly as you'd want!

Suz said...

I googled the Neely's Coconut Shrimp and found this post.

It's timely because as parents of children through adoption, we are facing a similar thing. Our baby son's adoption was finalized a week and a half ago and now we're talking about how we'll go about contacting his birth parents to see if they want to follow through with a one year meet up.

So, I'm coming from a different angle than you, but all the angles meet eventually, don't they?

I'm curious to know if you contacted her and how it went?